You graduated at the same time. It was a beautiful moment when you all threw your graduation caps in the air as the vice-chancellor announced that you now have the power to go out there and read. You took a picture to commemorate the day: that picture now stands tall like an altar in your living room. You look at it every day because somehow you cannot miss it. At first, the picture would elicit feelings of nostalgia and achievement. Now, those feelings have faded and been replaced by a heavy emptiness.
For some of the peers you graduated with: A immediately left the country to live with her distant aunt and start a life in another continent. You do not know what she does but her WhatsApp status speaks to the fact that her life is colourful and full of bliss. B got a job immediately. C took up a managerial position at his father’s company, yaani that degree was the only thing keeping him. D started a business. She struggled at first and along the way, all forces in the universe conspired to make her business flourish. Now, she is opening another branch in Kitengela.
E took up a Master’s course immediately and should be graduating soon. F applied for some jobs, did some interviews and got a job after one of the candidates opted to go for another high paying job. G was your close friend with whom you spent many days and nights applying for jobs, internships and sending out those expressions of interest emails. Like unrequited love, none of your calls was answered. Almost always, the organizations whose doors you knocked on were radio silent. You and G gave up and then, tried again. Because this is the nature of the game. You went knocking on doors once more. Along the way, G’s uncle heard of his friend looking for an intern and G was snatched from your shared sea of stagnation onto a lifeboat and whisked away. Now, G is the programs officer there. And you, you are here. You graduated at the same time but you got left behind.
You have tried everything. You see, everyone you meet always has some advice for you. They are always seeking to fulfil their obligation of enlightening you. They say that getting a degree is nothing. That entrepreneurship is where it is at. They quote Elon Musk and shower you with Donald Trump’s tweets. As if that is not enough, they tell you about this book that they have been reading by Robert Kiyosaki and they recommend that you read it. That the book will change your life.
Along the way you had a business, you were hopeful, put all your brains and your heart into it and called on the gods to watch over it. Things looked promising, but somewhere along the way, everything went downhill. You tried again because they said to not give up. But business had given up on you. It failed, so miserably that you were almost forced to relocate to the village. They said not to stop applying for jobs. That volunteering is very important. They told you about their youthhood and how they volunteered for two years before they got their first jobs. You are a volunteer in two organizations (double measures it is!), running around being the perfect mtu wa mkono.
This job once called you for an interview but they cancelled at the last meeting, something about not having funds for recruitment. The little you get from your side hustles is saved up for a Masters-degree because they also said that education does not end at the undergraduate level. Whatever they have said needs doing, you have done. Whatever book they have recommended reading, you have read. Whichever doors they sent you to knock on, you have done so repeatedly. Still, nothing! Now they tell you to be patient. To put on your game face, and wait. You see, Rome was not built in a day, they say. You young people, you want quick things, you want ready-made. Life is not like that.
But patience does not pay rent for the little bedsitter which houses your countable possessions. Patience does not put food in your belly neither does it soothe you when you sleep hungry. Even worse, patience does not step in and defend the gap in your CV which everyone seems interested in. Every day when you return to your humble abode, when G calls to find out how you are doing and complain about Jane from finance or John from HR, when you chance upon A’s Instagram page or when you wave at D while bypassing her shop, you cannot help but feel left behind.
You graduated at the same time. They have gone forward. You are here, miles behind. Words of advice come in swarms yet these advisors never have opportunities for you. You want to feel happy for all the progress your friends have made and clap for them as you await your turn. But you feel lost, hopeless, angry, confused and somewhat frustrated. What is it that you are not doing right? Why you? When will it be your turn? They say comparison is a thief of joy but you are beyond both joy and comparison. You know you’ve been left behind and there’s no joy in that. You don’t want to relocate to the village because then, you will have given up. You have considered changing careers, maybe try entrepreneurship. You have considered further education. Because post-graduation depression is a real thing and you suffer from it, you have considered suicide too. You have given up, lost hope and picked yourself up and tried again. One too many times. Now you are just there, merely staying afloat.
Sigh!
I don’t have a grand solution or words of advice. I just want to let you know that I see you. I hear you. I acknowledge that your journey is a difficult one and there are days when it feels like you cannot fight anymore, you cannot press on. Your struggle is valid; and if you want to rant about it, email me. I will listen to your rant and if you need to scream about it, I know just the right place for it. I will show you. Only then we shall hop back onto this treadmill of life